Monday, August 22, 2011

Heaven

God asked me the other day, "When you imagine Heaven, what do you think of?" This took me by surprise, because it was totally random and unrelated to anything I was doing or thinking at the time. God likes to speak to me suddenly like that pretty often. It always makes for a good reality check. :)

I am going to put forth an image of Heaven for you. Please imagine this with me:

You arrive and are greeted by family and friends that have arrived before you. In the background, you hear music seemingly in surround sound that does not even begin to compare to your favorite earthly songs because it is so beyond them in beauty and emotion.
Together with your loved ones, you explore the city totally created with the brilliance of flawless, pure gold and breathtaking, costly stones... precious gems and diamonds, all shining forth rays of colors that are too magnificent to describe. No concrete sidewalks or black asphalt streets here. You meet a lot of people and hear really awesome stories about their past.
After exploring, you and your loved ones sit down at a table that is full of the most delicious foods you have ever laid eyes on. The smells of the dishes make your mouth water. You enjoy this great feast with your family and friends, laughing and talking about sweet memories, all the while relieved and elated to know that all the food you are consuming in is not going to add a single inch to your new body's waistline.
After this feast, your loved ones show you their mansions. They then take you to the front doorstep of yours, tell you to enjoy exploring your new eternal home, and they'll see you later for ____________(fill in your favorite hobby/pastime here... sports, movies, etc.). You are in shock at the beauty and intricate design of the home they are telling you is yours. You open the door to find the home of your dreams, except it is far beyond anything you could have ever even imagined existed while you were living on earth. The floor plan, the furniture, the wall colors and flooring, the decor... every single thing is so perfect that you cannot believe it is yours. You sit down in your home, and ponder about what you've experienced. You realize that you haven't seen a single person sick, sorrowful, in pain, or with a bad attitude all day.

If (and this is a HUGE "if", because I by no means claim to know that many of these details are actually accurate) I just accurately described what Heaven would be like for eternity, is this a place you want to go? Did I forget to mention anything else that you personally would need in Heaven to live happily ever after for the eternity?

Did I?

Now forget the image I just gave you. I want to put forth a completely different image of Heaven for you:

You and Jesus... Nothing and nobody else.
No family that you once had when you lived on this earth. No food. No mansions.

Is this a Heaven you could be satisfied to live in for eternity?

Is it?

The good news is that the Bible makes it clear we will not be alone with God in Heaven (there are debates as to whether we will know and recognize loved ones and I stand on the side of the debate that says we will know them), that there will be an amazing feast, and that Jesus is preparing a place for us (read John 14). I cannot even begin to describe how incredible this place is He is preparing, even if I saw it with my own eyes. It is so beyond our comprehension abilities as humans. Our knowledge of God, even when we have been in relationship with Him for many years, is still only a speck in the vast, unending realm of all there is to know about Him. So when Jesus says He is preparing a place for us, this place is going to be so wildly amazing that there truly are no words to describe any of it.

But... If we really, truly, wholeheartedly love God with all that's within us... shouldn't a Heaven with just Him in it be more than enough for us? Shouldn't we agree with the writer of Psalm 16:11 when he proclaims, "In Your presence there is fullness of joy"? Fullness of joy in Him alone. Not Him plus all the good things. Not all the good things plus Him.

The problem is, it seems like on this earthly side of eternity our sinful nature tries to focus our lives on the good things God gives us more than God Himself. And this is such a dangerous place to be, because when we focus more on the good things than we do on God, who is the very Giver of all good things, we are worshipping idols.

When God asked me what I thought of when I imagined Heaven, my heart, soul, and mind in one accord shouted, "JESUS!". Though God has not asked me what I thought when I imagined Heaven before, there was a time not long ago where I would have saw nothing wrong with the first scenario. Those things would have probably first came to mind as I thought of Heaven, and then as a footnote I may have added, "Oh, and it would also be nice to come face to face with You, Jesus." Like an extra bonus or a passing, almost forgettable, detail.

But through the years... through trials and pain and tears and triumphs and seeing Him glorified over and over and over again through it all... I somehow along the way fell so head over heels in love with Him that I am crazily, passionately, madly, insanely in love with God. My holy God who exists in 3 Persons: God the Father, who is Creator... God the Son, who is Jesus- Perfect, Sacrificial Love Personified... And God the Holy Spirit, our Counselor and Helper that Jesus sent us when He went to be with God in Heaven. I will be talking a lot about the Holy Spirit over the next blog post or two (or three or four, who knows) because He is doing mighty great things that I want to shout from the rooftops. And I look forward to sharing these things with you as He leads me to.

My prayer tonight is that when we look inward at the desires of our heart, we can proclaim with full confidence:
"My soul longs for You, my soul longs for You! Nothing else will do, nothing else will do." --(from the song "My Soul Longs for You" by Jesus Culture)

Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. -Galatians 6:8

*******Author's Note: This blog entry is not intended to be considered theologically sound information about Heaven nor to create views of Heaven that are not found in the Bible or provided by the Holy Spirit. I recommend checking out http://www.gotquestions.org/is-Heaven-real.html for some good, Biblical information about the reality of Heaven.*******

Friday, August 19, 2011

Needs

I was thinking tonight about in the Bible where Jesus tells us to pray for whatever we need, and He will answer. Looking back, so many of my unanswered prayers are not about "needs", but rather they are "wants"... and in the culture we live in, it is very easy to think that our "wants" are really "needs". I have learned as I mature in my relationship with Him that God is not a genie for me to spout out my wishes and then rub the lantern, hoping he will grant them for me. Nor is He like a father and me his spoiled child, giving me everything I want and letting me be the center of his world. (Thank God! What kind of God would that be if He let mere humans control Him? Would that be a God worthy of all our praise? If He answered our every request, whether selfish or not, wouldn't we be essentially praising ourselves and He our puppet?)
I think about times where I would go days without acknowledging Him, and then as soon as I had a need arise, I would come running to Him shamelessly asking for help. When I think about treating Him like that now, I have to fight back tears. (And it's not because it's bad to run to God when you have needs, don't misunderstand what I'm saying.)
But it is because my eyes have been opened so widely to the fact that God does not exist to please me...
I exist to please Him. And I am NOTHING without Him.
He is the Potter, I am the clay.
He is the Master, I am the servant.
And when the servant starts feeling like her Master owes her answers to things she knows very little of and He knows everything about, the servant is out of line and shows no respect for or reverent fear of her Master. And this truth is what comes over me when I approach the throne room of God pouring out everything that's on my heart and mind without first taking a moment to think about WHO it is I am talking to. He's the King of all Kings, the Creator, the Everlasting One, the Prince of Peace, the Holy and Almighty God.
Yet, He never tells me to stop making my requests known and He never turns me away, because...
He is my King, and I am His princess.
He is my Daddy, I am His beloved daughter.
So where I deserve to be chastised as a servant out of line, He extends grace... patience... gentleness... LOVE.
He loves us so much. We truly do not know the depth and width of His love, because it knows no boundaries. And I don't want to treat Him poorly, because He has literally given His life up as a sacrifice not only to save me from death but also so that I can enter into a deep, intimate relationship with Him.
I am so glad that when I have thrown tantrums in the middle of life's hurricanes, He has gripped me tightly and whispered in my ear, "I know what I am doing. Just watch and see. Trust Me." And over and over again, He proves to me that He is worthy to be trusted. Not only that, but He is worthy to be praised. He is worthy to be placed as Ruler of my heart, my soul... my life.
So I wrestled with whether to post my prayer from earlier tonight, and I've decided to do it.
I don't need to ask You for more money... but I do need You to give me wisdom on how to use what You've entrusted to us.


I don't need to ask for a new car... but I need the one I have to be dependable and not become a financial burden.


I don't need the trendiest clothes... but I do need my clothes I have to do what they were created to do: Cover me well - preferably without losing shape or fraying or shrinking or getting stained.


I don't need good health... but I need to know that You will use me- in my seasons of sickness and health- for Your glory.


I don't need answers as to why You let bad things happen on this earth... but I need to know I am doing my part to be a beacon of light and hope amidst the darkness and despair. I need to know I am giving - my time, my service, my resources, my prayers - the way You want me to.


I don't need to see You to believe (though I look forward to looking into your eyes one glorious day)... I need to know You see and believe in me. Because I see evidence of Your mighty hand at work everywhere I look: The sunset, the clouds, plants, creatures, people... they all were created to speak of Your glory.


I don't need the American dream... I need the God reality. While the American dream focuses on love of self, God reality focuses on love of Him and others. In eternity, I will never regret not having a bigger home or higher paying job or a fancy SUV with stick figures on the back windshield of my perfect traditional family unit. But I will regret letting stuff take my attention off of You. I want to be eternity-focused God, not earthly-focused. Let any stuff in my life be used for You or take it away.


I don't need a 4.0 GPA... but I need to be keenly aware that when I am in school I am still to be representing You. (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. -Colossians 3:23)


I don't need to feel accepted by others... just as long as I am living exactly as You desire me to. You have accepted me despite knowing everything about me- the good, the bad, the ugly. Since You - the Creator of the UNIVERSE and everything in it! - accepts me as I am, who else do I need to gain acceptance from?


I don't need a smooth, as-painless-as-possible future... because I know that You hold my future in Your hands. You are already there. When trials come, You stand as my strong fortress, ready to show me Your plans and purposes amidst the pain. And You are more than enough for me.


I don't need to plan out every possible detail of my future... because I trust You, and look forward to walking out every single day of my life with You.
The next time you are approaching God in prayer, take a moment to stop and think about who He is and what He's already done for you. He already knows you inside and out. He watches over you as you sleep and eat and work and play. He knows what is on your heart and mind before you even speak a word. So be real with Him, but try not to be the spoiled kid that wants to rule the universe. And if He says no, don't get mad... Trust Him, because He is a perfect, holy Father and He knows best.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Confessions of a Facebookaholic

So, it’s June 30 and it’s the last day that I’m allowing myself to get on Facebook for awhile, for reasons I will talk about in a minute. But first, let me update you about my plans for this blog. As God works on putting to death the desires of my flesh so that I can grow in knowledge of and relationship with Him, I am going to do a lot of my journaling on here. I love to write down my talks with God, and while most of them remain private, I know there will be several things He shows me during my day-to-day walk that will be good for me to write about on here. I also love to share new things He reveals to me in hopes that you can benefit from it as well. One of the reasons I haven’t blogged a lot is because I don’t have a whole lot of “free time”, but when I do it has usually been spent on Facebook.

Ok, so here is where a series of embarrassing confessions begin. Sigh.

Sometimes I actually MAKE free time to check my Facebook when this “free time” I speak of really doesn’t technically exist. For example: at red lights, in checkout lines, while cooking and waiting for the water to boil, at night while I should be sleeping. (Don’t judge me!) I justify it by saying I am speaking into people’s lives and desiring to be a light in the darkness. After all, I don’t typically use Facebook to keep everyone updated about every detail of my day. I don’t play any of the games on Facebook and I don’t spend a lot of time going through everyone’s stuff. I like casually browsing through the newsfeed, talking with family and close friends, e-mailing, and I love writing comments/posting on people’s walls. Sounds pretty harmless, right? I’ve thought so for a couple years now. And now lately I’m thinking… I’m in trouble.

I’m afraid to tell you why, because I don’t want to be judged. But the truth is, if most people that frequent Facebook daily were honest, they are in my boat. Maybe you are in my boat? Either way, I'll tell ya why:

I am in trouble because I haven’t hungered for God day-to-day as much as I have hungered for Facebook. Therefore, Facebook has been an idol in my life. An idol is anything we place before God. Anything that we crave or love or think we need more than we crave, love, and need God. Now, I have tried justifying this in a variety of ways. Want to hear how? Sure ya do.

“It’s not an idol, God… if someone placed a gun to my head and told me they’d shoot me if I told them I love You, I’d get shot! But if they told me they’d shoot me if I told them I love Facebook?! That would never happen.”

“God, it’s not an idol! I don’t worship it, I don’t live for it.”

"I think about you nonstop, God. You know this."

And to my justifications, He gently asks…

“Do you carry around your Bible everywhere, hungry to open it up and read it whether you’re at a red light or walking to class or waiting in the checkout line? Do you keep your Bible close by while you cook? Do you hunger for what's in My Living Word like you hunger to read what's in your newsfeed?”

OUCH.

Do you see how satan works? He deceives us and wants us to use a voice of logic or reasoning with God or ourselves to justify our sin. (Go back to my paragraph about "making free time" and you can hear me trying to defend myself even there.) He’ll do anything he can to keep us from the God who is offering us unconditional love and eternal life… but it does cost us something if we accept God’s offer:

Then Jesus said to them all: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” -Luke 9:23

“Deny himself” doesn’t mean do whatever you want as long as it makes you feel good. It doesn’t mean that you are in charge to do what you feel is best. It doesn't mean God is in agreement with you just because you've decided something is harmless. It is the opposite of "Justify yourself" or "Defend yourself". It means to turn away from your will and to follow Christ’s will for your life. And this is so hard for all of us at any point in time because we like to be in control of our lives and everything in them and we tend to be very stubborn creatures. I have yet to meet anyone who is willing to admit without hesitation when they’re wrong. Heck, I rarely meet people who will even consider that there is a chance that they might be wrong.

But here's the game changer: We were bought with a price… the very blood of Jesus Christ. So we cannot say we accept that sacrifice and we want to take up our cross daily if we aren’t willing to make Him Lord over our every single day-to-day choices, such as how we spend our free time. Such as how we spend our money (which, in reality, is His. Everything you own is His if He is your God... therefore I guess you don't really own anything but rather things have been entrusted to you to use for His glory). He is Lord over our entire lives when we accept Him. No detail goes untouched or unnoticed to Him. He's supposed to be our God 24 hours a day, not just when we decide to pray or worship or read our Bibles or go to church.

Yall might think I’m crazy, that I’ve went off the deep end, that I’m too radical or take God’s Word too seriously, and that’s fine. You aren’t the first, nor will you be the last. I'm not giving up Facebook or seeking to follow His commandments because I feel like I have to. I am doing these things because I LOVE my Savior, my Creator... and it's about time I do a better job of proving it. When I ask myself, "Why don't I desire to pull out my Bible in the free moments? Where is my hunger to know Him more?", I can't come up with a good excuse. I'm left face-to-face with the fact that I choose distractions over my First Love. I've heard it said that the Bible is the best love story ever written, and it's so true. The Creator in love with His creation. The Holy Blameless One taking on the penalty of a shameful death so that the sinner can have new life in Him and they can spend eternity together. The Father whose heart beats, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

I love reading my Bible- it is packed with exciting, awesome, awe-inspiring revelations of God... Who He is, what's He like, what's He hate and love, what He expects and desires from us that He created, and so on. And He will reveal those things to me more and more, if only I will change my mindset from only reading my Bible during quiet time to needing His Word like I need my next breath.

So here’s where I stand with Facebook: It didn’t die for me out of sacrificial, amazing love. It never satisfies me for more than the moments I’m on, because it doesn’t fit rightly in the places of my heart, mind, and soul that were made solely for God. I don’t want to stand before God after I die and try to explain why I spent so much time soaking up media, chasing after things because the need we all feel to be entertained. This is the same realization that made me give up watching tv a couple years ago, but if I’m gonna be honest I probably spend almost as much time on Facebook as I used to spend watching “my shows”.

Please don’t get me wrong- Facebook itself is not evil. I have seen a lot of good take place because of Facebook: Friends and family are able to stay in touch that would've otherwise never been able to, testimonies are shared, people are encouraged, and the Gospel is being preached. I’m thinking when Matthew wrote, “this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come (ch. 24 v. 14)” that he had no idea God was going to use such a widespread, easily accessible thing like Facebook as one pathway to telling the world about Jesus.

But when Facebook finds a place of importance in our day-to-day lives and sucks away precious minutes or hours that we will never get back, it is evil. Or when we find ourselves judging others for their pictures or posts, it is evil. Or when we slip into jealousy of someone’s vacation or material possessions or their seemingly perfect life, it is evil. When we post pictures or update our statuses with the hidden agenda of wanting for someone to envy us, it is evil. There is good, and there is evil. Contrary to popular belief, there is no gray area in between.

That being said, after I come back to Facebook in August, I know I’m going to have to limit my time to 5 minutes each night, all of which will be used to communicate and not to see what everyone else has going on (unless babies are born… I’m a sucker for babies). I trust that if we are friends or family, you will call or text or e-mail me if there's something going on in your life that you want to share with me. Some of you may think I’m crazy because either you don’t even feel the need to check your Facebook every day or because there’s no way you could get all your Facebooking done in 5 minutes. Either way, I just want to challenge you to analyze how you spend your time each day. How much time is spent on ________, and how much time is spent pursuing the God who pursues you?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

A Heavy Heart and Sea Turtles

With all the drama that unfolded today as a possible government shutdown loomed over this country, my heart and head were bombarded with so much. And, because writing helps me sort out the chaos within me, I will write.

It took a lot of googling and digging through articles to figure out why President Obama was so against the bill that Congress had decided on to ensure at least the military will stay funded so those that keep this country safe would receive a paycheck. After finding out that Obama was mad about de-funding Planned Parenthood (an organization notorious for supporting abortions in the event of unwanted pregnancies) attached to the bill, I got so angry that I could've punched something. What made me even angrier was to see so many comments from pro-choicers talking about how appalled they are that abortion is considered killing babies. One girl wrote how she had no regrets about her abortion because it was an embryo and not even called a fetus yet so therefore it was nowhere near "becoming" a baby at the time of her abortion. My eyes welled up with tears as I came face-to-face with how deceived and disillusioned from the truth that so many are. I cannot figure out how anyone cannot make the connection between an embryo, fetus, and a baby. If fetuses sometimes produced babies but sometimes produced trees or plants or some other organism, maybe- just MAYBE- could their arguments hold some far-off validity. But, alas, embryos and fetuses are already babies. They have human cells, they have blood, they have a heartbeat, their sex has already been determined in their DNA, and they will not grow into anything else but humans.

Yesterday, Brett was watching Disney's documentary about ocean life, adequately titled "Ocean". I was excited as I sat down to join him because I love seeing how creative our Maker is in the billions of different species He crafted. Though I understand that God created animals to eat other animals – and, in turn often be eaten - I still don't like to watch it happen. It wasn't long into this movie that the feasting began. Different types of fish eating other fish, a lobster fighting with and killing a crab, birds diving into the water and eating fish, plants eating fish, fish that look like rocks eating fish, sharks eating seals… it seemed like I couldn't watch in peace and just marvel at the Creator without being faced with the (sometimes gruesome) reality of the food chain every 2 minutes or less. Just as I was about to stop watching, the frame switches to baby sea turtles hatching.

I remembered hearing many years ago that one reason sea turtles are endangered is because so many of the babies don't survive the trip from the nest to the ocean. So, as the camera zooms in on sea turtles heading out of their underground haven and towards the ocean, I knew that inevitably some of them were about to get eaten as hundreds of birds swarmed overhead. But I could not pull my eyes away because they were so stinkin cute. Aside from puppies and kittens, baby sea turtles are the cutest little animal babies.

The smile on my face at the sight of the cute little turtles quickly fell flat. Not only did the birds start snatching up the baby turtles as they moved with all their might towards the ocean, but they did it relentlessly. They swooped down so fast and grabbed them so tightly with their claws that if you blinked you would not be able to tell if they successfully grabbed one or not. As the camera moved to an aerial view, the turtles looked like they were disappearing into thin air off the sand. I wanted to look away but I felt that tugging of the Holy Spirit to pay attention. The turtles were using all their effort and undoubtedly focusing solely on that ocean, their cute little flippers moving as fast as they could. I hated seeing the first ones get snatched up as soon as they came out of the underground nest, but it hurt even more to see those that made it to where the waves meet the sand only to feel the cool ocean water and then be snatched away.

The last few seconds of this part of the movie showed one sea turtle make it to a deeper part of the ocean after narrowly escaping the claws of birds diving after it. I looked at Brett, shocked to see only one tiny turtle on the screen after just watching hundreds of them come out of the ground at the beginning of the scene. "Surely that's not the only one that survived, is it??" And then the narrator answered my question, as if he heard me ask. He says something like, "Only 1 in 1000 baby sea turtles survive." 999 out of 1000 sea turtles get eaten en route to the ocean. This number made my jaw drop wide open.

Brett likes to joke that I am the ideal spokeswoman for PETA because I am a softie for animals (usually cats and dogs). It is wrong that PETA believes animals should be treated just like humans, and would never ever EVER consider myself in agreement with them. But my mind started whirling with what I had just seen and I thought: All of the camera crew were around but they didn't do anything about it! I know they needed that footage of what happens without intervention… but how could they just sit back and let all those cute little sea turtles die?! Especially when they are endangered! Then I thought about God, the very Creator of every single one of those innocent baby turtles. Who happens to also be the Creator of those birds, who were hunting how they were created to hunt.

I saw so much significance in what I witnessed. And tonight I see even more. My first 2 points are what God showed me yesterday during and after that scene, with the 3rd point being what He gave me tonight.

1. Because He is all-knowing, God knew the very moment each of those turtles' lives would end. Even as He put each of their lives into motion, He knew it would be over soon. I don't think He was tormented over this, because He knew the birds needed fed. Not one bird dies outside of the will of God (see Matt. 10:29), and this holds true for any living creation.

I know that it is not God's will for humans to die of starvation, accidents, disease… the list could go on. But while satan roams this earth, he is a destroyer and will use these tools of destruction to try to create confusion about the goodness of God, make people question God's authority, and most of all try to nullify the credibility (and power) of God's love for us. Meanwhile, God promises that He can take every possible thing satan throws at us and turn it around for our good, for His glory and purposes if we love Him (see Romans 8:28). My Pastor said something a couple months ago that resonated in me: God's perfect will is different from God's permissive will. God's perfect will involves a life of no suffering, no pain, none of the awful stuff that entered this world when sin did. But God's permissive will holds us up in that, while He hates satan and all that satan does to us (we ARE His beloved, whom He loves with zeal and intensity), He purposes to use the hardships to mold us and give us opportunity to prove our faith (trust) in Him genuine while also giving us incredible joy and peace that surpassing understanding. Our human minds cannot wrap around just how endless His love and devotion are to us… even when His ways are often so incredibly mysterious. So, whatever you face, place all your faith (which is trust) and hope in Him. His Word makes it clear that 1) we will have hardships in this life and 2) God is love. No matter what, He is good and worthy of praise. And He loves YOU, even when you don't feel worthy. (None of us are worthy in our own strength!) We gotta be like that little turtle who beat the odds and made it to the ocean. We can't let satan's demises hinder us from pressing on with our eyes on that finish line: Eternity with God in an incredible place He is preparing for us! If that little turtle would have stopped and looked up or if it focused on the danger it was in, there's no way it would have reached its goal. We gotta take the magnifying glass off our circumstances and place it on our God!

2. Just as He orchestrated the beginning and ending of the turtles' lives, so has He done the same with ours. We are INFINTELY more valuable to Him than animals. So precious, so cherished, so loved that He humbled Himself and sent His Son to take on all our sin, shame… our punishment. He did not deserve to pay our penalty. But He did, because He knew that we cannot save ourselves and we can try to follow His commandments but we will fail without His power to make us conquerors. He did not want to lose us for eternity because of sin. He does not desire that ANYONE go to Hell! But because of His holiness, He must be just and He must give each the righteous punishment. But now we have the blood of Jesus to cover us. So that when I stand before Him, He will not see my sin because the sacrifice was made and MY punishment was paid in full by His Son! So at the beginning of my life and at the end, and every day in between, my soul knows without a doubt that God has created me for His glory and for His purposes.

Our days our numbered. To live like they are not is foolishness. So are we supposed to "make the most of them" by living how our sinful self desires? Of course not. The blood of Jesus covers those who repent and accept Christ into their lives, but to know of Him and yet not surrender still leads to Hell. I do not seek to keep His commandments to earn salvation. I seek to keep them because I owe Him my everything. Being a slave to Him instead of a slave to sin is the most freeing, joyful, enjoyable life. I don't want to regret the way I lived when I stand before God and have to give an account for my choices. I don't want any of us to. Just as surely as our bodies had a birth date, we all have an expiration date. Please do not waste a single day in between. I screw up a lot- we all do- but there is grace, forgiveness, acceptance, and (praise God!) the promise that He can transform us each day to live more and more like He desires us to.

My last point is very heavy and undoubtedly "controversial".

3. Tonight, those sea turtles represented babies at the time of conception. (That 999 of 1000 babies would be aborted is obviously not realistic- thank You God- but right now 4,000 are aborted every day {an average of 1 every 20 seconds}… and each one of these precious babies is infinitely more valuable to God than turtles). Tonight, the birds did not represent God's creation but satan, using doctors and day-after pills and pro-choice politicians and businesses to snatch away the lives of these babies who are only looking to glorify God with their lives (seeing as, even though sin is in their DNA, they are still at the age of innocence and we all know our purpose is to glorify Him with our lives until sin convinces us otherwise). And we are the camera crew. Some of us that hate abortion may talk about how wrong it is, just as I imagine some of the crew (especially if that included any softies like me) may have talked about how sad it was to see those baby turtles try so hard and then die, even though the odds of surviving were against them from the start. Some watch the birds (satan) and agree with their actions. And yet, through it all, God is still God. I know without a doubt that abortion breaks His heart exponentially more than it breaks mine. It is very personal to Him. Each child He makes I imagine with angry tears flowing down His holy face knowing they won't breathe their first breath before satan takes their life away- but also knowing even beyond that that He's conquered satan and satan's days are numbered.

I don't care who I offend- I have to voice truth. There is a holy and just God that will punish those that do not repent from evil and put their trust in Jesus Christ and submit to the Holy Spirit. And, while I am angry at those that kill these babies, my heart hurts that their lack of wisdom or absence of reverent fear of God will send them to an eternity in Hell if they do not repent and turn from the wickedness. I think too many walk around jaded, thinking that they can either talk their way out of Hell after they come face-to-face with God in death. Or that God is so loving and merciful that He won't send them to Hell because they are essentially a "good person". I think even Christians forget God is just and will judge each one of us not according to our standards but according to His holy commands (which are NOT merely suggestions… and I'm not referring necessarily to the Ten Commandments, although God still expects us to keep them. But Jesus tells us in Luke 10:27 that He brings two new commandments, from which all other commandments will automatically be satisfied if just these two are followed: 1) Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. 2) Love others as yourself). Who God is and what He expects from us has been misrepresented a lot because the American church has shifted from fire-and-brimstone preaching to the grace-and-blessings Gospel. Without His grace, we'd all be going to Hell; but to ignore the wages of sin is to deem Christ's sacrifice on the cross as unnecessary.

God, words cannot express my gratitude for Your love. Your sacrifice, so precious and yet we're so unworthy. Yet even still, You have called us worthy. Help us in these final days to walk in love while being bold in our faith and in obedience to You. Awaken this nation, lift the veil from the eyes of the ones under the enemy's deception and lies. Draw us nearer to You, stir up a hunger for Your Word and a desire to live out every single day for You. Mighty Father, I pray YOUR WILL be done in this nation, NOT satan's! Raise up a people that will call out unto You for this nation and for those that don't know You. Raise up worshipers, that every word out of our mouth, every thought, and every action be done out of worship for You. You are God, You will get Your glory even if the rocks have to cry out. Be glorified in this nation, Jesus. You have shown infinite, undeserved mercy. I am sorry that this nation has turned its back on You. I weep with You, Holy Spirit, as thousands of Your fearfully and wonderfully made babies are taken from their mothers' wombs in the name of "women's rights". God, have Your way in me and in my country. I love You, and I am forever thankful for all that You've done and continue to do. Thank You for calling me Your beloved daughter. Let my life shine for You. You are so worthy, Amen.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Transformation

I was going to fill you in on what I learned at church today, but due to the depth of my past blogs, I am going to hold off on that for a day or two. I just want to write a little bit about some random things tonight. Well, I thought they were random, but now that I think about it... they all have one underlying theme: transformation.

1.) I am in awe of the transformation that has taken place, and continues to take place, in my husband. He got back from the Men's Encounter tonight, and he just has Jesus radiating out of him. In his eyes, as he stared at Brielle and me and told us how much he loves us... in his voice, as he talked to me with fiery passion about what God revealed to him this weekend... in his love for his fellow brothers in Christ that he has got to witness life changes in over the course of the past three days... I cannot help but thank God for captivating Brett's heart. Not many of you probably know what Brett was like before he re-dedicated his life, and I won't share because I haven't asked his permission. But all that is important is to know that one cannot explain the change in him and leave God out of the equation. Brett tried to change over and over again in his own will power, and it never worked. Then, about a year and a half ago, he surrendered. He went to the Men's Encounter for the first time a few months ago, and God used that time to heal him of things he had not let go of. At any given moment I can stop and think about all that God has done in and through Brett, and my eyes well up with tears. I love you Brett Richardson, and I am proud to be your wife.

2.) I want to transform my body. I have hesitated to do this because last time I did, I did it for the wrong reasons and I let the enemy use it to bring me down. Brett was in Iraq, and I decided that working out almost every day was a good way to kill time and get in great shape while he was gone. Sounds harmless enough, right? Wrong. I set a weight loss goal for myself. I met that goal, and still wasn't happy. So I set another one. I met that goal, and still didn't feel like it was enough. It was a vicious cycle. I could not enjoy a meal because I was worried about how many calories I was consuming. Not once did I make it my goal to stay fit so that I could glorify God. Looking back now at those pictures, I just want to smack that Desiree and be like, "Are you crazy?! YOU ARE PERFECT." I should have put more energy into my time with God and less into obsessing over my body.
I am doing things differently this time. I have two verses that come to mind when I think about wanting to do this from a different mindset:
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (1 Corin. 10:31)

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your bodies." (1 Corin. 6:19-20)
If I can eat better and make time to work out a few times a week, I will be better ready to do all God has planned for me. My mind will be more alert and I will have more energy. I won't be so sluggish, worn out from the other demands on my life. And since the ultimate goal of my life is to bring God glory, I know I can glorify Him by keeping my eyes set on Him... not looking down at a scale. I don't want to make girls envy me and I don't want attention from the opposite sex. I just want to honor Him with everything. So if I lose sight of this goal, I hope I fail.

3) Transformations are taking place every Sunday and Wednesday at Church of the Shoals. I am so thankful for Church of the Shoals, and all the people that make up my incredible church home. Our Pastors are full of love for people (saved and unsaved alike), God, and the Word of God. We look around and see people who are after truth, righteousness, and closer relationship with God. You walk in and are accepted just as you are. You don't have to look far to find friendship. People don't pretend to be perfect. Next Sunday is our Launch Day, exactly 9 months after our church was founded. We have grown so much already, and are eagerly anticipating all of the people we are about to encounter. Not because we care about numbers- We care about people. We don't want to be a church that stays confined to the four walls of our building... We want to go out to the city and reach the lost and hurting. I am so excited about what God is going to do with Church of the Shoals. If you do not have a church home, where God's love is alive and activated in the church members, I invite you to check out Church of the Shoals.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

"I Can't See You!"

When I was going through some old papers two days ago, I came across the following. I wrote it on June 30, 2010, with intentions of posting it on here to share with you all (better late than never, right?):

As Brielle and I entered her room at bedtime, she made a beeline to her ladybug lamp on the opposite side of the room from her bed. She loves to turn the light out. Instantly after the click of the switch, she gasped and said, "I can't see you!" I smiled. "Follow my voice, I'm right here," I said. I was standing by her bed, and I gave her several moments to try to find me by navigating across the room on her own. I expected her to call out for me, but she didn't. She just stood there in silence.

Through this whole situation, I felt God telling me to pay attention.

My eyes adjusted after a few moments and I made my way towards her. I lifted her in my arms and walked over to her bed. I sang her favorite song twice and tucked her in.
God made me aware of these moments with my daughter because in so many ways it reflects our relationship with Him at any given moment in our life.

As Brielle chose to turn the light off, so many times we make decisions in our lives that result in darkness. Startled to see the outcome of our choices, we might be tempted to blame God for what we've done. A few obvious examples:
A girl dates a guy she knows is up to no good and gives him her purity. He's got what he wanted, so he leaves her brokenhearted. "I can't see You, God!"
A man's addiction to alcohol causes him to lose everything... His wife, his children, his job. "God, where are You?"

Sometimes there isn't a correlation between our choices and the dark times in our life. It's like if the power would have went out while Brielle had no intention of turning the ladybug lamp off. Such as:
A faithful spouse finds out his or her beloved is having an affair. "God, why me?"
An accident that takes the life of someone you love. "God, are You here?"
A bleak diagnosis from the doctor. "God?"

We find it easy to think we know God pretty well when everything is going our way. I can say that, because I've been guilty. (Haven't we all?) We can attempt to compartmentalize Him if we aren't careful. We can be deceived into thinking we are surely pleasing Him by going to church, trying to not sin, and spending a few minutes in a devotional or the Bible. Or some assume that He will pardon their sins because they wear the label "Christian", even though they live just like those who don't believe in Jesus as Savior.
The problem is, God cannot be boxed in. It is impossible. If the God you serve fits in an orderly, comfortable section of your life, then you are serving a false God, one made up and not the one Creator of the Universe. It may feel real, but it's stale religion. Because the God described in Isaiah 40 is way too big for any box in our minds and hearts, and certainly doesn't owe us any answers: "Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed out the mountains and the hills? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? Who knows enough to be his teacher or counselor? Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good or what is best?"

It took a lot of pain, heartache, and tears to come to the realization that God does not exist for me. Every time something went wrong in my life, I would look to Him to make it right. The problem with that is, our versions of "right" are two completely different things. While He says, "All things work together for the good of those who love Him," and "Count it all JOY when you fall into various trials," and "I refine with fire to purify the gold," we often say, "I want it my way, I know how my life should go, I know what's best!". And I can't help but think that when this is our mindset, we must look like the spoiled brat who kicks and screams when they don't get their way.

Back to Brielle's bedroom. She was in the darkness. She knew I was there, because she trusts me to not abandon her. Have you put your trust and confidence in God to never leave you alone? What is your faith built on?
She called out to me, and I told her to listen to my voice. By hearing me, she could navigate her way to my arms... but it would take risk. What if she stepped my way and then ran into her dollhouse? What if she went the wrong way and smacked into the dresser? She hasn't walked in the dark much, so she knew it was best to just stand there.
The book of Proverbs is beautiful to me in many ways, one being that so much emphasis is placed on godly wisdom. There is a difference between asking God for wisdom and asking Him to tell us why. I honestly do not believe we have the mental capacity to understand His reasons for so many things He allows. But we do have the Holy Spirit to fill us with the grace, peace, joy, patience, and whatever else we need to get us through the trial with our eyes set on Him.

I picked her up and she instantly felt peace. She made herself at home in my arms, nuzzling her cheek on my shoulder. Then I carried her to her bed, a place of rest.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30) This is promises from Jesus Christ Himself. He is not a liar, and He will always keep His Word. He is so faithful.
He is always there, no matter what you go through. In the depths of your sorrow, He wants to give you joy and hope. We have a good, good Daddy and He loves us immeasurably, whether life is going smoothly or whether we find ourselves in the valley. And He wants to use it ALL for His glory, if only we will let Him. I'm not making this up.

"Follow My voice, I'm right here." <--(see John 10:27 and John 14:20) Just as I said to Brielle, He is saying to us. Wanting to grow our faith, wrap us in peace, and give us rest.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Apples

My Dad went with Brielle and me to northeast Tennessee last weekend to visit family. Dad packed all kinds of healthy food for the trip, and after we had been there two days I asked him if he had any apples left. He handed me one, and I instantly began examining it.

Stupid OCD tendencies.

Some of you may be able to relate, and some of you may think I’m crazy, but I am very particular about fruit (among many other things). When I go grocery shopping, selecting fruit is laborious to me because I insist on looking at every single one of my options and choosing the most flawless pieces. I don't know why, and I hate that I waste so much time examining fruit. Though I am getting better, I still have people look at me like I am crazy as I circle the banana display over and over and over again, picking up a bundle of them to check their underside and then putting them back. I typically walk away in defeat, but on occasion I end up leaving with a perfect bundle of bananas.

So instantly I notice that this apple Dad handed me is covered in bruises. Holding it with my right hand, I began pushing on the bruises with my thumb. “Dad, I can’t eat this one, it’s all bruised. I think it’s bad.” He snatches it from me, and, with his eyebrows furrowed in true Dad fashion, looks at it. “No, it’s not bad, it’s a good apple. Watch, I’ll peel it for you.”

When anyone in my family thinks about Dad’s eating habits, they probably instantly think of his love for fruit. Dad makes the best fruit salads ever. There is nothing special about the ingredients he uses… He peels and cuts up apples and oranges, then will add blueberries, canteloupe, watermelon, strawberries, or bananas if they are around. The typical Dad fruit salad as I was growing up was simply apples and oranges, with a splash of orange juice. I consider my Dad a fruit expert. My most successful fruit shopping trip was when I met Dad at Sam's one day and he picked out all my fruit for me and all I had to do was pay the cashier at check-out.

He took a knife and proceeded to quickly and skillfully peel the apple. Into the trash went the bruised, imperfect outer layer. I took a seat beside him as he sliced it. He handed me the first piece. I looked at it and, to my surprise, saw no evidence of the bruises. I tasted it. It was juicy, crisp, and sweet. I hate being wrong - but I was wrong. I misjudged the apple. I was certain it would be no good. Little did I know what God was about to reveal to me through my experience with this apple.

The following verse came to mind as I munched on some more apple pieces and thought about how wrong I was:
"God does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the LORD looks into the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7

All at once I start thinking about what this apple symbolized. It could teach me a lesson in not judging others by their appearance, as the verse above also could also show me. But what I felt God was showing me in that moment was not about my misjudging of the apple, but about my misjudging of me. I am that apple.

Like virtually every other human being, I am bruised. I have failures, I have disappointed others (and myself), I have been disappointed in others, I have weak spots that sometimes get pushed on much like my thumb pushed on the bruises on the skin of that apple. I struggle often with feeling not good enough to deserve God's love and mercy. Sometimes I get so focused on trying to please Him in my own strength that I crash and burn. Over and over and over again.

But the whole time, He is saying, "I see your heart. I know your love for Me and your desire to please Me. More importantly, I need you to know My love for YOU." I don't know what you or anyone else thinks when they see me. If someone sees me in a spiritually weak moment, they may label me a hypocrite. If someone sees me in a spiritually strong moment, they may label me as thinking I am holier-than-thou. But the whole point is: It does not matter. It does not matter what anyone else thinks of me. It does not matter what I think of me. We are all unreliable sources when it comes to evaluating ourselves and our stance with God. Because only He knows our hearts. He knows our hearts better than our spouses, best friends, coworkers, family members... and ourselves. And because of this, He is the ONLY ONE that has the right to judge us.

"I need you to know My love for YOU." I have two things written on my bathroom mirror that go along with this truth. "Never forget your worth." and "A new day! Don't waste it." A wasted day to me is a day in which I rely on myself or others more than I rely on God. A wasted day is whenever I allow satan to use myself or others to beat me up, drag me down, and hold me back from My Savior's plans and purposes. A day NOT wasted is one in which I place all my confidence in Christ, I embrace His love for me, and I allow Him to use me for His glory no matter what comes my way that day. On any given day, I can live a purposeful life. It's not a twelve step process or something that I have to work hard to attain. We can never do anything to earn good graces with God. If we could, His Son's death on the cross would have been in vain. Every single day is an opportunity to serve our Maker.

You see, He doesn't want us to fix our flaws before we follow Him. He wants us to follow Him just as we are, and along the way He will fix the flaws that need fixed. If satan can make us stick to the mentality that one day we will overcome the things we struggle with- be it temptations, bondage, addictions, doubt, regret, [enter your struggle here]- and THEN we will be able to enter into relationship with God, then he can make us waste our whole lives looking to a day that never comes. We will be bruised apples, and we will start rotting. Because we can't peel ourselves to reveal the greatness within; Our Heavenly Daddy has to take his knife (the Word of God- the Bible) and start peeling away all the wrong attitudes, mindsets, habits, and ways of life. It is a painful process, because it involves dropping pride and throwing ourselves into the arms of grace. It involves admitting to Him that we cannot do it on our own, though we try. But I am making the decision to go through the pain of letting Him mold me and change me, because it will be far less painful then looking back at the end of my life and realizing that I was too stubborn to be used by Him.

If you can relate to this, know that I am praying for us. I am praying that God give us supernatural wisdom and insight into who He is, what He wants to change, and what He wants to do with us. It's our job to dig into His Word, which will build our faith instead of letting it stagnate. It's our job to be active in relationships with other true believers and a church home. And it's our job to wake up every morning saying, "Not my will today Lord, but yours. Use me for Your glory, no matter the cost."

**Side note: It's been a while since my last post. Anyone who knows anything about my life right now knows that I am a very busy person with obligations pulling me five different ways. But in an effort to spend more time blogging, which I love, I am going to try to keep my posts shorter than they have started out as. Some may be longer, but I'm going to do my best to abbreviate my thoughts. I hope to encourage you and be used by Him to reveal valuable truths in this endeavor.