Sunday, March 6, 2011

Transformation

I was going to fill you in on what I learned at church today, but due to the depth of my past blogs, I am going to hold off on that for a day or two. I just want to write a little bit about some random things tonight. Well, I thought they were random, but now that I think about it... they all have one underlying theme: transformation.

1.) I am in awe of the transformation that has taken place, and continues to take place, in my husband. He got back from the Men's Encounter tonight, and he just has Jesus radiating out of him. In his eyes, as he stared at Brielle and me and told us how much he loves us... in his voice, as he talked to me with fiery passion about what God revealed to him this weekend... in his love for his fellow brothers in Christ that he has got to witness life changes in over the course of the past three days... I cannot help but thank God for captivating Brett's heart. Not many of you probably know what Brett was like before he re-dedicated his life, and I won't share because I haven't asked his permission. But all that is important is to know that one cannot explain the change in him and leave God out of the equation. Brett tried to change over and over again in his own will power, and it never worked. Then, about a year and a half ago, he surrendered. He went to the Men's Encounter for the first time a few months ago, and God used that time to heal him of things he had not let go of. At any given moment I can stop and think about all that God has done in and through Brett, and my eyes well up with tears. I love you Brett Richardson, and I am proud to be your wife.

2.) I want to transform my body. I have hesitated to do this because last time I did, I did it for the wrong reasons and I let the enemy use it to bring me down. Brett was in Iraq, and I decided that working out almost every day was a good way to kill time and get in great shape while he was gone. Sounds harmless enough, right? Wrong. I set a weight loss goal for myself. I met that goal, and still wasn't happy. So I set another one. I met that goal, and still didn't feel like it was enough. It was a vicious cycle. I could not enjoy a meal because I was worried about how many calories I was consuming. Not once did I make it my goal to stay fit so that I could glorify God. Looking back now at those pictures, I just want to smack that Desiree and be like, "Are you crazy?! YOU ARE PERFECT." I should have put more energy into my time with God and less into obsessing over my body.
I am doing things differently this time. I have two verses that come to mind when I think about wanting to do this from a different mindset:
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (1 Corin. 10:31)

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your bodies." (1 Corin. 6:19-20)
If I can eat better and make time to work out a few times a week, I will be better ready to do all God has planned for me. My mind will be more alert and I will have more energy. I won't be so sluggish, worn out from the other demands on my life. And since the ultimate goal of my life is to bring God glory, I know I can glorify Him by keeping my eyes set on Him... not looking down at a scale. I don't want to make girls envy me and I don't want attention from the opposite sex. I just want to honor Him with everything. So if I lose sight of this goal, I hope I fail.

3) Transformations are taking place every Sunday and Wednesday at Church of the Shoals. I am so thankful for Church of the Shoals, and all the people that make up my incredible church home. Our Pastors are full of love for people (saved and unsaved alike), God, and the Word of God. We look around and see people who are after truth, righteousness, and closer relationship with God. You walk in and are accepted just as you are. You don't have to look far to find friendship. People don't pretend to be perfect. Next Sunday is our Launch Day, exactly 9 months after our church was founded. We have grown so much already, and are eagerly anticipating all of the people we are about to encounter. Not because we care about numbers- We care about people. We don't want to be a church that stays confined to the four walls of our building... We want to go out to the city and reach the lost and hurting. I am so excited about what God is going to do with Church of the Shoals. If you do not have a church home, where God's love is alive and activated in the church members, I invite you to check out Church of the Shoals.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

"I Can't See You!"

When I was going through some old papers two days ago, I came across the following. I wrote it on June 30, 2010, with intentions of posting it on here to share with you all (better late than never, right?):

As Brielle and I entered her room at bedtime, she made a beeline to her ladybug lamp on the opposite side of the room from her bed. She loves to turn the light out. Instantly after the click of the switch, she gasped and said, "I can't see you!" I smiled. "Follow my voice, I'm right here," I said. I was standing by her bed, and I gave her several moments to try to find me by navigating across the room on her own. I expected her to call out for me, but she didn't. She just stood there in silence.

Through this whole situation, I felt God telling me to pay attention.

My eyes adjusted after a few moments and I made my way towards her. I lifted her in my arms and walked over to her bed. I sang her favorite song twice and tucked her in.
God made me aware of these moments with my daughter because in so many ways it reflects our relationship with Him at any given moment in our life.

As Brielle chose to turn the light off, so many times we make decisions in our lives that result in darkness. Startled to see the outcome of our choices, we might be tempted to blame God for what we've done. A few obvious examples:
A girl dates a guy she knows is up to no good and gives him her purity. He's got what he wanted, so he leaves her brokenhearted. "I can't see You, God!"
A man's addiction to alcohol causes him to lose everything... His wife, his children, his job. "God, where are You?"

Sometimes there isn't a correlation between our choices and the dark times in our life. It's like if the power would have went out while Brielle had no intention of turning the ladybug lamp off. Such as:
A faithful spouse finds out his or her beloved is having an affair. "God, why me?"
An accident that takes the life of someone you love. "God, are You here?"
A bleak diagnosis from the doctor. "God?"

We find it easy to think we know God pretty well when everything is going our way. I can say that, because I've been guilty. (Haven't we all?) We can attempt to compartmentalize Him if we aren't careful. We can be deceived into thinking we are surely pleasing Him by going to church, trying to not sin, and spending a few minutes in a devotional or the Bible. Or some assume that He will pardon their sins because they wear the label "Christian", even though they live just like those who don't believe in Jesus as Savior.
The problem is, God cannot be boxed in. It is impossible. If the God you serve fits in an orderly, comfortable section of your life, then you are serving a false God, one made up and not the one Creator of the Universe. It may feel real, but it's stale religion. Because the God described in Isaiah 40 is way too big for any box in our minds and hearts, and certainly doesn't owe us any answers: "Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed out the mountains and the hills? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? Who knows enough to be his teacher or counselor? Has the Lord ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good or what is best?"

It took a lot of pain, heartache, and tears to come to the realization that God does not exist for me. Every time something went wrong in my life, I would look to Him to make it right. The problem with that is, our versions of "right" are two completely different things. While He says, "All things work together for the good of those who love Him," and "Count it all JOY when you fall into various trials," and "I refine with fire to purify the gold," we often say, "I want it my way, I know how my life should go, I know what's best!". And I can't help but think that when this is our mindset, we must look like the spoiled brat who kicks and screams when they don't get their way.

Back to Brielle's bedroom. She was in the darkness. She knew I was there, because she trusts me to not abandon her. Have you put your trust and confidence in God to never leave you alone? What is your faith built on?
She called out to me, and I told her to listen to my voice. By hearing me, she could navigate her way to my arms... but it would take risk. What if she stepped my way and then ran into her dollhouse? What if she went the wrong way and smacked into the dresser? She hasn't walked in the dark much, so she knew it was best to just stand there.
The book of Proverbs is beautiful to me in many ways, one being that so much emphasis is placed on godly wisdom. There is a difference between asking God for wisdom and asking Him to tell us why. I honestly do not believe we have the mental capacity to understand His reasons for so many things He allows. But we do have the Holy Spirit to fill us with the grace, peace, joy, patience, and whatever else we need to get us through the trial with our eyes set on Him.

I picked her up and she instantly felt peace. She made herself at home in my arms, nuzzling her cheek on my shoulder. Then I carried her to her bed, a place of rest.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30) This is promises from Jesus Christ Himself. He is not a liar, and He will always keep His Word. He is so faithful.
He is always there, no matter what you go through. In the depths of your sorrow, He wants to give you joy and hope. We have a good, good Daddy and He loves us immeasurably, whether life is going smoothly or whether we find ourselves in the valley. And He wants to use it ALL for His glory, if only we will let Him. I'm not making this up.

"Follow My voice, I'm right here." <--(see John 10:27 and John 14:20) Just as I said to Brielle, He is saying to us. Wanting to grow our faith, wrap us in peace, and give us rest.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Apples

My Dad went with Brielle and me to northeast Tennessee last weekend to visit family. Dad packed all kinds of healthy food for the trip, and after we had been there two days I asked him if he had any apples left. He handed me one, and I instantly began examining it.

Stupid OCD tendencies.

Some of you may be able to relate, and some of you may think I’m crazy, but I am very particular about fruit (among many other things). When I go grocery shopping, selecting fruit is laborious to me because I insist on looking at every single one of my options and choosing the most flawless pieces. I don't know why, and I hate that I waste so much time examining fruit. Though I am getting better, I still have people look at me like I am crazy as I circle the banana display over and over and over again, picking up a bundle of them to check their underside and then putting them back. I typically walk away in defeat, but on occasion I end up leaving with a perfect bundle of bananas.

So instantly I notice that this apple Dad handed me is covered in bruises. Holding it with my right hand, I began pushing on the bruises with my thumb. “Dad, I can’t eat this one, it’s all bruised. I think it’s bad.” He snatches it from me, and, with his eyebrows furrowed in true Dad fashion, looks at it. “No, it’s not bad, it’s a good apple. Watch, I’ll peel it for you.”

When anyone in my family thinks about Dad’s eating habits, they probably instantly think of his love for fruit. Dad makes the best fruit salads ever. There is nothing special about the ingredients he uses… He peels and cuts up apples and oranges, then will add blueberries, canteloupe, watermelon, strawberries, or bananas if they are around. The typical Dad fruit salad as I was growing up was simply apples and oranges, with a splash of orange juice. I consider my Dad a fruit expert. My most successful fruit shopping trip was when I met Dad at Sam's one day and he picked out all my fruit for me and all I had to do was pay the cashier at check-out.

He took a knife and proceeded to quickly and skillfully peel the apple. Into the trash went the bruised, imperfect outer layer. I took a seat beside him as he sliced it. He handed me the first piece. I looked at it and, to my surprise, saw no evidence of the bruises. I tasted it. It was juicy, crisp, and sweet. I hate being wrong - but I was wrong. I misjudged the apple. I was certain it would be no good. Little did I know what God was about to reveal to me through my experience with this apple.

The following verse came to mind as I munched on some more apple pieces and thought about how wrong I was:
"God does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the LORD looks into the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7

All at once I start thinking about what this apple symbolized. It could teach me a lesson in not judging others by their appearance, as the verse above also could also show me. But what I felt God was showing me in that moment was not about my misjudging of the apple, but about my misjudging of me. I am that apple.

Like virtually every other human being, I am bruised. I have failures, I have disappointed others (and myself), I have been disappointed in others, I have weak spots that sometimes get pushed on much like my thumb pushed on the bruises on the skin of that apple. I struggle often with feeling not good enough to deserve God's love and mercy. Sometimes I get so focused on trying to please Him in my own strength that I crash and burn. Over and over and over again.

But the whole time, He is saying, "I see your heart. I know your love for Me and your desire to please Me. More importantly, I need you to know My love for YOU." I don't know what you or anyone else thinks when they see me. If someone sees me in a spiritually weak moment, they may label me a hypocrite. If someone sees me in a spiritually strong moment, they may label me as thinking I am holier-than-thou. But the whole point is: It does not matter. It does not matter what anyone else thinks of me. It does not matter what I think of me. We are all unreliable sources when it comes to evaluating ourselves and our stance with God. Because only He knows our hearts. He knows our hearts better than our spouses, best friends, coworkers, family members... and ourselves. And because of this, He is the ONLY ONE that has the right to judge us.

"I need you to know My love for YOU." I have two things written on my bathroom mirror that go along with this truth. "Never forget your worth." and "A new day! Don't waste it." A wasted day to me is a day in which I rely on myself or others more than I rely on God. A wasted day is whenever I allow satan to use myself or others to beat me up, drag me down, and hold me back from My Savior's plans and purposes. A day NOT wasted is one in which I place all my confidence in Christ, I embrace His love for me, and I allow Him to use me for His glory no matter what comes my way that day. On any given day, I can live a purposeful life. It's not a twelve step process or something that I have to work hard to attain. We can never do anything to earn good graces with God. If we could, His Son's death on the cross would have been in vain. Every single day is an opportunity to serve our Maker.

You see, He doesn't want us to fix our flaws before we follow Him. He wants us to follow Him just as we are, and along the way He will fix the flaws that need fixed. If satan can make us stick to the mentality that one day we will overcome the things we struggle with- be it temptations, bondage, addictions, doubt, regret, [enter your struggle here]- and THEN we will be able to enter into relationship with God, then he can make us waste our whole lives looking to a day that never comes. We will be bruised apples, and we will start rotting. Because we can't peel ourselves to reveal the greatness within; Our Heavenly Daddy has to take his knife (the Word of God- the Bible) and start peeling away all the wrong attitudes, mindsets, habits, and ways of life. It is a painful process, because it involves dropping pride and throwing ourselves into the arms of grace. It involves admitting to Him that we cannot do it on our own, though we try. But I am making the decision to go through the pain of letting Him mold me and change me, because it will be far less painful then looking back at the end of my life and realizing that I was too stubborn to be used by Him.

If you can relate to this, know that I am praying for us. I am praying that God give us supernatural wisdom and insight into who He is, what He wants to change, and what He wants to do with us. It's our job to dig into His Word, which will build our faith instead of letting it stagnate. It's our job to be active in relationships with other true believers and a church home. And it's our job to wake up every morning saying, "Not my will today Lord, but yours. Use me for Your glory, no matter the cost."

**Side note: It's been a while since my last post. Anyone who knows anything about my life right now knows that I am a very busy person with obligations pulling me five different ways. But in an effort to spend more time blogging, which I love, I am going to try to keep my posts shorter than they have started out as. Some may be longer, but I'm going to do my best to abbreviate my thoughts. I hope to encourage you and be used by Him to reveal valuable truths in this endeavor.