And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 8:38-39
I had a stunning revelation tonight: I have no clue how much I am loved. No clue.
You would have to live in my brain to understand just how clueless I am. Here I am, a follower of Christ that wants the world to know how much He loves them when I don’t even understand it myself. My knowledge of God’s love has been that it is too great to ever comprehend. I cannot comprehend a love that prompts a perfect, holy God to allow His perfect, holy Son to die the death that I deserve and to take on the shame of my sins. If I were God, everyone in this world would be in big trouble. Allow MY blameless child to die for them, to take their blame?? Not in a million years. Especially with the knowledge that so many of those people that my child would die for would be ungrateful, doubtful, or totally unbelieving. Knowing that some would claim to love my child yet live lives that say the exact opposite.
But that's just it... He knew. He knew that we would have days where we take for granted the sacrifice. He knew some of us would struggle with unbelief. I mean, that kind of love does sound too good to be true. We don’t see love like that acted out in this world. Despite knowing how often His love would be ignored, abused, or misunderstood, He still decided that the sacrifice was worth it so that we could have the opportunity to be with Him for eternity. Keep this in mind as I shift gears for a minute.
I have lived out of His will for most of my adult life. So many people want to know what God’s will is for their lives. I finally know the answer to that. His will isn't found in a career or job title. His will isn't found in a spouse. His will isn't fulfilled when we reach a level of maturity that makes us feel like we have our act together.
His will for our lives is to be dependent on Him every single moment of every single day, living lives of worship to our wonderful Savior. His will for our lives is for us to love Him with reckless abandon and love others unconditionally. For us to walk in awareness that without Him we are dead... We may be breathing and moving around, but our soul is not satisfied with anything we try to fill it with unless we are filling it with the One who called it into existence. For so long I struggled with trying to uncover His will for my life, not realizing that I was looking far off for the answer that was right in front of my face. I am not by any means undermining the importance of knowing what career or spouse He wants us to have or what city or church He wants us to be a part of, or any other important decisions we make. But what I am saying is that there is no one thing that can bring us to a place where we have finally reached the fulfillment of His will for our lives. His will for our lives is fresh with each new sunrise. He doesn’t care how many days we have wasted out of His will. He wants to restore us from our mistakes and transform us into godly children that He can use for His glory.
I am going to try to tie this all together now. When I am out of His will, I am frustrated. I strive to be good enough to be called His daughter but to no avail. Because there is nothing I can do in my own strength that makes me worthy of His love. He is not impressed with human effort. I have to remind myself that His Word says we are saved by faith, not by works (Eph 2:8-9). But then if I try to live my life in the freedom of knowing I am saved by faith and not by works, then I walk around feeling undeserving and unfulfilled, knowing that there is a piece of the puzzle missing. After all, His Word also says that faith without works is dead (James 2:20). But so often I have a hard time distinguishing what works I do out of faith and what works are out of failed attempts to be made righteous, to be "good enough" to be His servant. So how does this vicious cycle end? It ends when I decide to be consumed by His love and allow that love to transform me every single day. I understand now more than ever what the writer of Psalm 17:15 is talking about when he says he will be satisfied when he awakes in His likeness. He was the most selfless, incredible, loving man to ever walk this earth. And He is still alive in us (see Gal 2:20 and Col 1:27). If we call ourselves Christian but His love is not radiating from the way we live then I cannot help but question if we deserve the title. The ATS Bible Dictionary defines a Christian as one “who heartily accepts Christ as his teacher, guide, and master, the source of his highest life, strength, and joy, his only Redeemer from sin and hell, his Lord and his God.” What better way can we fit that definition than by taking hold of the love He extends and letting it have its perfect work through us?
I am going to have to learn how to simply accept His love- the most profound, undeserved gift ever. I feel so unworthy to be loved by my Maker. I would venture to say it has been the single biggest thing that has held me back from being the woman I was made to be. It is very easy to believe satan’s whispers in my ear that it is too good to be true, that I have failed Him one too many times to still be His beloved. If you can relate, listen closely: He wants you, all of you. Not just the cleaned up parts that seem decent enough to expose to a perfect God. He wants us right where we are to stop trying to be good enough and just accept His love. There is nothing you can ever do that will separate you from His love. Decide with me to take Him at His word when He says that His grace covers us and His love is all-powerful, never-ending, never-failing. Only when we allow that love in can we truly find His will for our lives. Only by walking in that love can we know what it feels like to truly live.
