God has placed the refining process of gold on my heart lately. I decided to write about it because He placed it in front of my eyes as I read tonight: "So be truly glad. There is a wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for awhile. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though your faith if far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." (1 Peter 1:6-7)
The heat of the fire is painful, but it is necessary to burn off stuff in my life that keeps me impure. So I am starting to understand what it means to count it joy the the trials exist, because it means my Maker is turning me into something more beautiful. And though I struggle to see Him, I know He is there. He sustains me, encourages me, and covers me. He will not let me be defeated. He already holds the victory, in every situation... past, present, and future. So He is worthy of my praise, my trust, and my very life. I am head over heels in love with this God that I may never fully know or understand.
On the edge of the paper after I was finished writing, I added, "It is midnight and the birds are singing...I see great meaning to that." As those that know me are well aware, I see midnight almost on a nightly basis. If the birds had ever sang at midnight here before, it was not as loud and noticeable as it was that night. It was like God was saying, "This is what it is like to have joy amidst the trials... birds singing at midnight." The morning was still hours away, yet the birds found reason
to sing with all their hearts.
There are a few people very precious to me who are constantly on my heart because of the fire they are going through. If you are reading this and you are going through things that make it difficult to look for God in the midst, I want to encourage you to cling to the above scripture. Let these truths resonate. It sounds ridiculous that one is able to have joy while in a whirlwind of pain... but there aren't many things in the Bible that the rest of the world would exactly call sane.
Read that verse again. There is a wonderful joy ahead, despite the trials right now. The trial is already in action, so now it's time to let your faith pull you through and be proven real. If your faith has been shattered or was so weak that it fell to ashes before the fire was even blazing, there is never a better time to surrender and let God show you who He really is. How incredible it will be if we can look back at the things we endured at the end of this life and be able to glorify God for making us more than conquerors. He is not a dictator, He will not force us to surrender to Him. But He is the creator, giver, and upholder of LOVE. And His love is so perfect, so pure, so profound that when we are washed over with it, we are never the same. Why do we take a love like that for granted, or roll our eyes at it when we see that our version of love does not always line up with His?
We all go through those faith-testing times, big and small. I believe we all have been guilty of trying to handle them on our own. It is the human condition to try to keep control. It hurts our pride to admit we need help. So, needless to say, it is always a battle to hold on to joy (which can only be found in God) during trials. There have been times that I decided to not fight for joy and let the situation steal it from me. Those times were the darkest times of my life, where I struggled to take my next breath. My mind and heart was full of bitterness, anger, fear, and hopelessness. But here is how I know that God is for real when He puts so much importance on joy and releasing every worry, heartache, and trouble to Him: The darkest times of my life have not necessarily been the biggest trials. One would think the worst circumstances would be considered the darkest times, but that does not have to be the case. One of my biggest trials thus far happened a year ago, yet I was able to hold on to that joy, that peace that surpasses understanding. It didn't come to me; I had to actively pursue it. On the days I got weary and wanted to throw my hands up and quit, I could feel joy leaving and the hopelessness creeping in. But I couldn't let hopelessness win; it contradicts my God, who is Hope.
As believers, we are free from being chained to all those things that fill us when joy doesn't. We can stop what we are doing and tell Him what our hearts and minds are going through and ask for help at any moment. While we are driving or doing our job, we can surrender the thing that is plaguing us. I used to not see a point in doing this, since He already knows everything before I even say a word. But I finally get it... It is about us being willing to let our grip on any given situation go, humbling ourselves to the point that we admit we cannot handle this nor do we want to. It is about dropping the pride, which is a very painful thing to do because we don't like to admit that we don't know what to do or where to go from here. It is about honoring Him by taking Him at His word and trusting Him to come through (although it seems that His version of coming through is not typically our version. But comfort is found in knowing His will was done because you trusted Him the whole time). After all, what kind of "God" are we believing in if we don't believe Him, if we aren't take Him at His word? Are we trying to fool ourselves into believing that our ways are higher than His ways when His ways don't make sense to us?
I don't know about you, but I don't want a "God" that caters to our desires and whose will can be changed to line up with our will. None of us want to go through the fire, but how are we ever going to grow if we do not embrace the fire as something that can transform us to be closer to Him and more like the person He intends for us to be? Every fire is different, but the God that is extending His hand to us while we are in it is unchanging. No matter what we have been through, are going through, or will go through in the future, we cannot let the fire destroy us. We need to let it melt away all the things in us that do not please God so that our faith that our very souls depend on comes out looking more beautiful than ever before.
"Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?" (Matthew 16:24-26, The Message)
There is freedom in surrendering control of every situation to God. There is a deep gratitude in the fact that the ONE who created the universe, the world, and all of us loves us. He doesn't stop at loving us. He truly cares about us, and invites us to rest in Him. The hardest part is getting past ourselves... our doubts, fears, insecurities, hurt, pride... But I am reminded over and over again that it is worth it. HE is worth it.
